I’m Here!
I made it! I’m more than half way through the challenge, which means I’ve made it to the other side of the challenge— the back half, if you will.
I wanted to stop doing this the first week in, and now I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life to feel this way. I have spent so much money on so many things, and while I haven’t generated a real number for the waste I’ve created, I feel an odd sensation– a knowing that I’ve contributed to major waste and excess in our society and on our planet.
The biggest question is why?
why do i buy?
Why didn’t I examine this sooner? What was I so afraid of? And why did I buy so much?
Thinking about ourselves, reflecting, daring to ask questions is hard. But asking and learning at the steps toward growth. So, when I think about why I have spent so much money, the only thing I can come up with is this:
I think I’ve been buying to try and look like someone I’m not.
buying to look “xyz”
I like to feel “put together.” I like to create an appearance of beauty and tidiness and care. I like to look like I took some time to prepare and present myself to the world. But somehow, that got translated to mean buying clothes with specific labels and looks.
But I’ve finally arrived at a new understanding.
Being “put together” has nothing to do with my stuff. Being myself has nothing to do with my clothes or my hair or my makeup. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to look a certain way so that I can feel a certain way.
And now I know that I’ve been wearing a mask that has hurt me and my environment as well. (More on planet consciousness in another post!)
Having this opportunity to buy nothing means I can finally stop working on my outside self. I can sit in my inside self. It feels amazing to say this, but my inside self truly doesn’t need much. Yes, yes, I need food and water. I need to wear clothes every day (no fern leaves or grass cloth skirts for me), but I don’t need to spend the same way anymore.
Things will break. Things will run out (like my face cream! and my shampoo! and my hair mouse!)
freedom!
But this challenge has given me freedom. It has given me space. What started as a restriction has become the most freeing opportunity of my life. Buying nothing means I don’t have the dreaded feeling inside of myself that I need to buy something to feel good. In fact, feeling good is about buying less. Or most days, it means buying nothing at all.
How has your thought process changed throughout the challenge? I’m dying to know! Fill me in! As always, Namaste, every day.
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4 the Love of Peace 