on a journey toward change

It’s been nearly two full weeks since I started this journey, and OH BOY, does it feels like a journey. I’m Dante climbing the mountain. I’m Percy Jackson, wielding my pen-sword at the monsters. The monsters are my shopping habit. Does that feel like hyperbole to you? Because it doesn’t to me. 

Making this conscious choice to BUY NOTHING outside of food and basic necessities (socks, shoes, batteries) is not simple. It’s not exactly fun, either. I feel like I’m training for some kind of marathon, but I don’t know what’s waiting for me at the finish line.  

I’ve asked myself, “Why the hell am I doing this?” I’ve also stumbled onto a few high five moments, when I congratulate myself and think, “You’re making a significant change! This is good! Growth is good!”

The hardest part, so far, is that I keep vacillating back and forth. I want to feel 100% great about this challenge every day. But I guess change is not a straight line. Some days are easier than others. Some days are simple. Others are hard.

Mostly I have myself wondering if I will actually change this habit once my 90 days are up. 

SEEKING MEANING & FINDING TIME

I’m looking for meaning in this process, because without it, I know I’ll never make things stick. I need to see a potential benefit or reward if I want to hang on to this “no spend” or “less spend” mentality.

Here’s what I’ve discovered: the creation of time is real.

My brain was programmed to begin each week by generating lists of the things our family needed. Outfits for the kids, school supplies, food and snacks for the house, birthday gifts for the parties we’d been invited to, and the like. 

But I’ve given that up. 

Being organized for the week doesn’t include a list of the “stuff” we need, anymore. 

This means grocery shopping or a Target run have become “needs only,” which makes it profoundly boring. Boredom makes the task feel like a waste of time. Driving 15 minutes there, spending 10 minutes shopping, and then exhausting another 15 minutes to drive back home has become a royal pain in the butt. 

That’s 45 minutes I could have spent sitting on my porch!

SEEING THE PATTERN

Now that I’m finding more of it, I’m generating an awareness around how I spend my time in the first place. What I once thought of as “good parenting” or “showing my kids love and attention” was really just buying in excess.

Now, I’m finding time where there wasn’t any. And I couldn’t be more delighted by the discovery. Today, I had time for something I really wanted to do: sit by the lake. I wanted to take in some sunshine and the sounds of the water. And I did. I squeezed it in. And it made me feel great. 

I’m taking control of our spending, our time, and our happiness. I’m setting a new tone, a new expectation, and a new baseline for happiness. 

How is this challenge going for you? Fill me in! I want to hear! Do you find this hard or magically enlightening? Share your stories and as always, share the peace!

Namaste every day!

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