Just last week, I made a few jokes about how Mother’s Day was coming up. I joked about ridiculous gifts that might be delivered for me, laughing along at how cool and clever I was in the first place.

I thought there might be a few extra gifts on their way, since I’ve been trying hard to buy nothing during this 90-day challenge. (Is that the silliest thing you ever heard? My brain was looking for a reward of exactly what I’ve been avoiding.) But Hubs and the family are actively respecting my decision to re-think material goods, their value, and what we need to purchase.

So, this year, the kids made beautiful, awesome cards, and picked out a few new plants for the front yard. And, maybe for the first time ever, I did not buy myself anything for Mother’s Day.

I Didn’t “treat” myself

Have you ever done this?

Christmas is coming up. Or maybe it’s your birthday month, and there’s something cute and adorable and completely affordable and you think, “I’m just going to pick this up. My birthday’s coming…..”

I have done this numerous times.

I know I’m not alone, as a handful of friends confessed doing this as well.

“Treating myself” hasn’t always meant taking a walk in the sunshine, grabbing a twenty minute nap, or calling a friend. It has more often meant walking into a store, browsing, and walking out with something shiny and new.

a hard truth

When I see myself doing this, I feel sad. I just feel downright sad. Why have I been doing this for so long and HOW MUCH MONEY have I spent doing it?

I feel convinced there are better ways to treat myself. There are better ways to show myself love.

But let’s be double-honest here: shopping is a shitload of fun.

I had plenty of fun browsing and perusing. I like seeing new products. I like seeing what someone crafted, what a company manufactured, what colors and styles are trending among the population. It’s just plain ‘ol fun. Isn’t it?

I also like working and exchanging currency for goods. It makes the world go round!!!

change is hard

But I started this challenge because I felt like something inside me had shifted. My purchases were not intentional. I wasn’t feeling satisfied. I came to a place in my mind when I asked myself, “Is this all too much?” And I think we can all agree that when we get to that place, it’s time for a change.

But change is hard.

This weekend, I wanted to get out there and shop my little heart out. I shed a few tears. REAL, SALTY TEARS, people!!!!

But I didn’t shop.

I feel frustrated because a part of me thinks I’ll never change. I will always like shopping. I will always enjoy materials. What if I can’t change?

I am also a person who wants to see and feel immediate results. I want to give up excessive shopping and never think about it again. But change is slow. There’s a progression that unfolds. And I promised myself I would see this through. 90 days is a long enough amount of time to see and feel change.

But I have to get there, first.

slow and steady wins the race

So, I’ll persist. I’ll keep moving forward. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll feel differently about all of this at the end of my 90 days.

How is the challenge going for you? Any slips? Any new revelations? Fill me in on your progress! Tell me what makes this so hard or so easy for you.

And as always, namaste, every day!

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