newsflash: the littles fight all the time
My kids bicker and argue constantly. You’d never know it in public—they’re polite, controlled, and generally well behaved.
Behind closed doors, though, they can be vicious.
My sons and our daughter play differently. The boys like it rougher. They want to murder, attack, launch, and destroy. Our daughter wants to add fairies and school-teacher lessons to things. She wants to organize the chaos, and my boys want nothing to do with that. She is the provoker of peace.
Until the boys make fun of her. Then she becomes a tiny rage goblin, shouting the same kind of viciousness back.
“You’re stupid!”
“You’re the dumbest kid I know!”
“I hate you!” her little voice shouts, ringing through the house like a fire alarm no one expected to go off.
It hurts my ears and my heart to hear these things. The boys jump in on the action and immediately respond with their own retorts.
“You’re the worst sister in the world!”
“You suck!”
“You’re worse than the Grinch!”
Oye! It’s so hard to control myself and try not to shout right back at them.
But my own inflamed rage does not help the situation. Believe it or not, a loving wave of calm is needed in these moments.
But how do I dig down and access calm when it feels like the whole world is shouting?
a little thing about mom…
I’m a sensitive person. Always have been. I cry easily. I’m triggered easily. When moments get uncomfortable or tense, my body loudly reacts. I live in my feelings. I don’t just get the inkling of a feeling, it surges my body like a dam broken open, water gushing everywhere. If I’m angry, some might call that a short temper. A hot fuse. But I don’t always snap and react outwardly, even if the feelings inside are GARGANUAN and deeply uncomfortable.
Mostly, I just get confused about what to say.
I usually just want to burst into tears myself. But, that’s not helping anyone.
This is why yoga has had no much appeal to me. I’ve learned to quiet the many voices and feelings and thoughts that pile up in my head. I’ve learned to anticipate, understand, and ground them in love.
Not that it works every time….but sometimes…..
the yogi way
I’ve read so many books about Buddhists and yogis finding their inner peace. I’m forever picturing nepalese monks, tucked snuggly into a mountainside, communing with nature and knowing the presence of the universe in their hearts.
But none of these monks dealt with naughty children.
Did they?
That was never mentioned in the books I read. The monks sat in diligent prayer, in quiet spaces where they could only hear their thoughts.
finding peace
So, what am I doing to find that quiet in a house of 3 screaming children, each of whom hates another one on any given day of the week?
I’m meditating when they’re not home. I’m making time to quiet my head and heart so that I can return to tranquility, making peace a homebase, a piece of my muscle memory.
So far, it’s working. Meditation, even if it’s only 5 minutes here or there, is calming my nervous system enough to remind me how to behave when the feelings in our house get too big.
I want so badly to teach the children how to meditate as well. I can remember being a kid, and the idea of sitting still to do and think about nothing was EXCRUCIATING. But they need a way to learn to live in quiet.
the resources
Here’s what’s working:
1.) Body scan meditation
2.) Reading quietly in their rooms, maybe while swinging. (We bought one of these for LM2 a few years ago, and it is a wonder!)
3.) Playing soft music for quiet alone time. For more upbeat needs, I like Tycho. For the super slow down, I like Sound Bath.
We’re a work in progress. We’re trying to build a pattern of peace now so the children have a path toward it when they’re older. Plus, it helps Mommy remain in the seat of her own soul.
Namaste, friends!
4 the Love of Peace 